No one person really “creates” a culture.  Individuals live their lives and their shared beliefs, desires, and ritualized “transactions” result in the culture established.  Cultures are collective contributions. They are “crowd-sourced”.

However, there is great power in the individual contributions we choose to make to the cultures we’re in because we can be examples. We can even change the dynamic of these cultures as others imitate us, including our desires.

The cultural contributions I try to make are ones that I refer to as “cultures of care” contributions.   By care I mean concern for others, loyalty, empathy, accountability, carefulness, and other behaviors and sentiments that indicate/project value for others as people who – by dint of the fact that they are people – are like me, and who share with me similar hopes, dreams, aspirations, and fears.

Corporate cultures could – in my opinion – greatly benefit from their members making contributions to a culture of care and it starts “at the top” so to speak.  At least, that’s the easiest way to encourage such a culture, because people take their cues from leaders in organizations.

Many years ago I was in the unenviable position of having to work for two direct reports.  Both, technically, had an equal and simultaneous claim on my time and work.  However, this presented me with a very unique opportunity to experience how being treated in different ways affects employees, because I got to experience a range of emotions interacting with two different bosses throughout a day.   How I was treated by each drastically affected how I felt about the organization.

Just two quick anecdotes.

On some Friday afternoons at 5PM, just as I’d be thinking about finishing for the day, Boss #1 would email me her unfinished tasks and ask that they be completed by Monday morning.  This boss would set the email on a delayed/scheduled send, so that I’d see her leave for the weekend (without a goodbye), and then a few minutes later, the task assignments would hit my inbox.   I resented this person very much, because I felt like she did not care for me, and really did such things in order to assert some sort of power over me, not because there was ever any real need for the tasks to be done.  Most of them were menial.  The Monday due date was arbitrary. After all, if the tasks were so vital, the boss would have taken the time to actually have a conversation about them and verify that they’d be done.  A few times, just to test my hypothesis, I left some tasks undone.  The boss never noticed.  Never followed up (on hardly any of them, actually) and I soon learned that this was a CYA tactic the boss employed so that if work she was assigned was not completed, she’d have a “fall guy”.

I wasn’t the only one who experienced this behavior from this individual.  It was a regular occurrence with all the “subordinates” who reported to her.

Boss #2 however, was different.  Early on in my employment and work with her, she entrusted me with a task designed to raise my profile in organization (while she took a backseat), which I attempted to do to the best of my ability and felt grateful to have the chance to do.  However, soon thereafter it became apparent that I had not done the task correctly.  A senior person took issue with the work and asked “who was responsible”.  Before I could answer, Boss #2 spoke quickly and said, “It’s my fault.  I made that mistake.”  The senior person muttered something and it was dropped.  Afterward, I cornered her and said, “I was the one who screwed up, I should have taken the blame.”  She said, “No, it’s my fault.  I asked you to do something you’d never done before.  Either I didn’t train you right, or I didn’t check the work to make sure that you had understood what needed to be done.  That was entirely my fault.  I didn’t set you up to succeed and I wasn’t going to let you take the fall for that.  I’m sorry you were put in that position.”  Well!  Talk about loyalty!  I was willing to run through a wall for her at the drop of a hat!  For the remainder of my time with the company I did not mind coming in early, staying late, working a Saturday, changing my schedule, etc. to help Boss #2 out with any project she needed help with.  I knew that she valued me, respected my time, hoped for my success, and would never abuse her position or use our relationship as a way to demean me in order to gratify her ego.

Why?  Because I knew she cared about me and was sincerely trying to help me have a happy and successful experience, even to the extent that she was willing to put her neck on the line for me.

Let’s quickly tell another story about Boss #1 … Boss #1 eventually made a huge screw up on a project I was not involved with (nor asked to participate on) and blamed me for it.  Because of that, I resolved never to volunteer to assist her with anything, even if it was apparent she needed help.  If I was going to be blamed for things I didn’t work on that went bad, why make it even easier to blame my by getting involved at the last minute with something, try to fix it, and then take the fall for the whole thing when it went bad.  Later on, I noticed another project she was involved with and was not going well (she thought it was).  Rather than speak up and say something, and risk “volunteering” for the role of “fall guy” when it inevitably went bad, I kept quiet.  It, of course, ended poorly (a different employee got the blame for that one).  When boss #1 eventually left to take another job, it was one of the happiest days of my life.  A huge cloud that hung over the office was gone.

So, cultures of care.

Treat people like they are people, with shared hopes, dreams, fears, and problems.  Stick up for them.  Set them up to succeed, and they’ll run through walls for you.  Forgive them and help them when they mess up, and they’ll never forget it.

But treat them like dogs, and they’ll feel satisfaction when you fail.

On the wall of my office I have a picture of two triangular organization charts.  One is inverted.  They are labeled “Responsibility Flow” (inverted)  and “Accountability Flow”.

They look like this (I’ve tried to approximate the structure using characters.  The stars are “empty space”).

RESPONSIBILITY FLOW

—–customer——
**—employee—**
****-manager-****
*******ceo*******

This indicates that I, as the CEO at the “bottom” of the pyramid, am responsible for the success and well being of the managers, employees, and customers “above” me in the chart.  The customer is at the top – our highest responsibility is to her.  I want the employees to be responsible (responsive) to the customer.   I want the managers to be responsible (responsive) to the employees directly and also the customers.  I want myself  to be responsible (responsive) to the managers directly and also to the employees and the customers.

Usually org charts put a CEO at the top.  I think that’s awful.  It is intended to show accountability flow, but I think it fails for a couple of reasons.  One, that implies that everyone “under” the CEO and that the CEO is not “under” anyone.  Secondly, it is often used analogously for justification that CEOs aren’t accountable or responsible to others, but that all others are to the CEO.  That’s wrong.  If not for the customer and the privilege of serving her, none of us has a livelihood.  If not for employees and managers who do a great job serving those customers, I as the CEO don’t have a livelihood.

I must CARE for those people and those relationships and help those people be successful.  They don’t come to me, first.  Rather, I go to them, just as I want them to go to each other and out customers.

Now, the other triangle org chart (again, the *stars* are empty space).

ACCOUNTABILITY FLOW

*******customer*******
******—CEO—********
*****-managers-*******
***—-employees —-***

This chart reminds me that I’m accountable to the Customer, first.  I report to them.  The managers report to me, and are accountable to me for their performance.  The employees are accountable to the managers.

So, we have two directions of flow.  Responsibility for people who are traditionally “under” us in organization charts.  Accountability from people who are traditionally “under” us in or charts.

And a constant reminder that the whole organization is ultimately responsible for, and accountable to, the people we serve, the customers.

CULTURES OF CARE are successful cultures.  They are the cultures that win.  They are made up of people who support one another, watch one another’s backs, fight for each other, and refuse to let each other fail.

A friend of mine recently had a baby and has discovered the joys of co-sleeping.  My wife co-slept with all five of our children.  We loved it.  Below is an excerpt on co-sleeping from a site I set up called BabyPreps.com, a site dedicated to helping moms prepare for their first baby.  The below is an account of my wife’s experience with co-sleeping.

What is has to do with anything this blog normally treats is this – many people find that a newborn brings sleep deprivation and the resulting decline in performance at work and at other responsibilities.  Co-sleeping allows a couple with a newborn to have more restful sleep, leading to less interruption and performance-dropoff in the rest of life.  It also allows one to greater appreciate the joy of having an infant in the home.

Babies often feel very lost in a regular sized crib. Actually, I am the biggest advocate for co-sleeping with one’s baby.  For both my husband and I our absolute, favorite part about having a newborn is having them sleep in our bed with us.  I wouldn’t have thought this before I had children.  But remember the difficult time I had with first and the 8-hour breastfeeding marathon?  Well, my doctor suggested that maybe the baby wasn’t getting enough milk.  (I know crazy and insane, not enough milk?!  Eight hours isn’t enough time to drink every last drop?  I think he was just covering for any potential lawsuits.)  Anyway, he suggested I have a lactation consultant come out to see me.

So I did.  One of the first things she said to me was, “Why on earth did you buy a crib?”  And she was serious.  She went on and on about how healthy co-sleeping was for the baby’s attachment to the mother, how it was natural for the baby to want to stay close at all times to it’s mother, and so on and so forth.  Because of this philosophy, she taught me how to breastfeed lying down on the bed.  I didn’t take her advice.  But a few days later I found myself absolutely exhausted by yet another sleepless night and struggling to get the baby to sleep (this was before I had read any of recommended books about soothing and sleep patterns) and I thought to myself I have got to lay down for a moment. My baby wouldn’t allow a break if she wasn’t right next to me and since I was her human pacifier I decided to try breast-feeding her while lying down…  I woke up two hours later.  I couldn’t believe it.  I hadn’t slept like that since before the baby was born and I looked over on my arm and there was my little sweet-pea curled into me, sleeping just as soundly as I was a moment before.  It was heaven!

From that night on I co-slept with my babies.  It’s not for everyone.  But at least consider it.  Since I started co-sleeping I never have the “sleepless” nights that so many moms have.  On the contrary – I get some real bonding time with my baby and I don’t even have to work at it.  The baby can nurse whenever she needs to.  I just switch sides after a feeding.  I don’t have the baby in the swaddle so she just curls her body into me.  Recently, in fact, I had my hand on my baby’s stomach and she put her arm on top of it and rested her little hand on top of mine.  It was one of those great mom moments!

Co-sleeping is ideal for getting the rest one needs for taking care of kids.  I quit after my babies turn 5 months (because you gotta do it at some point and after 5 months babies are said to form habits) but I swear it is so much harder for me to make the switch than it is for the baby.

A common concern people have with co-sleeping is smothering the baby by rolling on or over her.  This would only alarm me if you were a very, very deep sleeper and have found yourself rolling on top of your dog or husband.  I am always aware of that little baby in my arms even while sleeping and I wouldn’t call myself a light sleeper.  Her head is propped up on the top of my arm like a pillow and I cradle her body with the rest of it.  My husband actually feels more comfortable having the baby in my arms like this because it ensures us that her nose and mouth are high in the air and that she is breathing well.  There is nothing like waking up and seeing this little baby face with her eyes closed, mouth open, and breathing her little heavy breathing.  I have been known to lie still for 45 minutes just to not break that moment.

Whenever I’m having one of those self-pity, feeling sorry for myself days, I have a very simple strategy to get me out of my funk.

I head over to international micro-lending site, Kiva, and make a $25 (no-interest) loan to a low-income person who needs capital to run a business.

I immediately feel better.  Why?

1. Because I’m focused on helping another person.
2. Because the help I’m giving isn’t a one-time handout but is capital needed for them to create businesses which permanently and perpetually sustain their lives.
3. And because I realize that whatever I’m dealing with that’s causing me to feel sorry for myself, there are people in the world who have been dealt a far poorer hand than me, but who choose to just go to work every day and try and make things better.  To “partner” with these people in making the world better is a shot in the arm.

Because I served a two-year religious mission in South America and worked with the poorest of the poor, and because I saw that it was harder for women to make a livelihood there than it was for men, I seem to fund a lot of loans to South American women.

Having a bad day?  Head over to Kiva and change a life for the better.

If there is one behavior that I – and most other people – could improve, it would be an increase in the frequency and sincerity of our apologies.

In any team environment, especially entrepreneurial and start-up environments like the ones I inhabit, there will be friction, differences of opinion, competition, sleep-deprived snark, and just good old-fashioned misunderstandings.

Feelings get hurt, grudges get formed and borne.

When this occurs, the best thing to do is to immediately apologize.  Even if you feel like the other person shares some fault, just apologize.

But an apology must be sincere.  It cannot be an excuse masquerading as contrition.

The best way to apologize is to go to the person privately and ask to speak to them (not email, though if you can’t bring yourself to speak face to face of you are too nervous, email is better than nothing), and say, “I just wanted to apologize to you.  I was wrong to do _(fill in the blank)_ and I’m sorry.  I will try and do better in the future.”

It’s remarkable how well this works to heal the rift.  More often than not, you’ll actually get an apology in return.  People are forgiving and when you go to them, make yourself vulnerable, and acknowledge wrongdoing, it sends a huge message of goodwill.  Most people will feel a tremendous amount of respect for you and actually feel a desire to work harder at the relationship.  They will also be more forgiving of your foibles in the future.

How do I know this?

Because I constantly screw up.

In my line of work, I am trying to build teams of people who work for the common good of all.  When I’m selfish, I undermine that work.  It is a source of sorrow.

Though I keep trying to do better, I learned that apologizing as I go heals rifts, binds me with teammates, and buys me time until I conquer my personal weaknesses.

If we can’t be perfect (and no one can) we can at least try to be perfect apologizers.

I read a lot.  At any given time I’m reading between 3 to 20 books.  Below are 12 books that have been particularly vital – even essential – to me as I’ve worked with others to help build our business from just one of many scrapbooking sites on the web, to the largest, most-visited scrapbooking site and store on the internet. I’ve provided a link to them as well as a brief synopsis to help you identify whether you’d be interested.

Disclosure: If you click on any of the books below, then buy it, I get paid a small portion of the sale from Amazon.com.  I’m not trying to sell books, just tell you about them.  But if you do decide this information is valuable to you and do purchase the book from Amazon, I will recieve some modest compensation.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini

This book contains principles you can apply to influence any person in any situation to influence them (for better or worse). We are all “hard-wired” to respond certain ways to certain techniques. When we’re treated well, we respond. This book shows you how to effect change in your life and in any organization you belong to. It also will help you protect yourself from people who wield this techniques (pandering politicians! dishonest salespeople!) in manipulative ways – you will immediately be able to recognize when others are employing them to take advantage of you.

Influencer: The Power to Change Anything by Kerry Patterson

Just read it. It will blow your mind. Despite the similar titles, this book is very different than the book by Cialdini. This book is the blueprint for how to bring about lasting change. It actually walks you step-by-step through the process to develop your own change program (in business, in your community, etc.), and helps you understand best practices and avoid pitfalls, whereas Cialdini’s book helps you understand human psychology. My #1 read this year. In fact, it’s the reason I founded www.SBABG.org!

The Science of Success: How Market-Based Management Built the World’s Largest Private Company by Charles Koch

A must own for any small-business person. Koch Industries started as a small businesses and is now the second largest privately owned company in the United States. The Chairman, Charles Koch, runs the company based on free-market principles – a system they’ve developed over many years of trial and error which they call “Market Based Management” – and they credit their success to adhering to the system through good times and bad. Bottom line, you do not want to be competing with Koch in any industry, because it will outclass and out-compete you.

Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box by The Arbinger Group

We are our own worst enemies. We seem to have a pathological ability to take relationships of conflict and make them worse through never-ending battles with others that leave them and us worse off. Some companies (and groups, and families) get paralyzed by infighting and contention. This book teaches you how to “get out of the box” and bring an environment to the workplace – or any organization -  that is both peaceful and productive.

The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell

It’s the little things that make all the difference in our lives, and in our businesses. It is awareness of, and attention to, these things that will often determine whether we experience success or failure. This book explains how to identify those little things that make a big different.  By small and simple things great things come to pass. Don’t think that big results need come from big effort. Big results come from the right effort at the right time.

The Breakthrough Imperative: How the Best Managers Get Outstanding Results by Mark Gottfredson

Learn what competitive dangers await every business, and how you can prepare and overcome these dangers.

Value Investing: From Graham to Buffett and Beyond by Bruce Greenwald

Business people need to understand the value of the assets and businesses they own, work with, and purchase. This book teaches business valuation better than any of the formal textbooks I have read on the subject, and does so in a radically more simple way by applying timeless techniques first established by Benjamin Graham, who was Warren Buffett’s mentor (and we all know how that worked out for Buffett.)

Competition Demystified: A Radically Simplified Approach to Business Strategy by Bruce Greenwald

Written by the same author as the book above, this changed the way I approached building a business. Many business people learn Porter’s Five Competitive Forces and derive strategy from analysis of such; this book radically simplifies Porter’s work (in my opinion) and is more useful to small-businesses looking to grow.

Cable Cowboy: John Malone and the Rise of the Modern Cable Business by Mark Robichaux

John Malone was a brilliant man, building a bleeding-edge business on the frontiers of America, outfoxing the governmental forces-that-be every step of the way. A great story of risk, opportunity, and what can happen when a person chooses to see the world differently than everyone else and stick with that vision. Particularly fascinating are the chapters that discuss the acquisition strategies, employment of debt, accelerated depreciation strategies, and wars with banks and bankers that couldn’t seem to see the value Malone was building right before their eyes (and so distrusted and fought him every step of the way). If you’ve ever spent a sleepless night because you’re warding off creditors while you’re building a businesses, know you’re in good company – Malone spent more than a decade fighting with them and he turned out OK!

The Ultimate Question: Driving Good Profits and True Growth by Fred Reichheld

Contains and immediate, practical strategy that you can use in your business today to make sure that your customers are not only happy with you, but turn into promoters for your business. To repeat a phrase I used above,  by small and simple things great things come to pass.  In this book, you’ll learn one of those small and simple things you can do to make great things come to pass in your business.

Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game by Michael Lewis

If you want an edge, you can’t play the game the same way as others. To play the game differently, measure things differently. This page-turning story shows how Billy Beane, the general manager of the A’s, used his relatively paltry $41M payroll and unique measuring system to identify overlooked players and assemble teams that routinely beat other teams that employed $100M+ in payroll and bought up the “obvious” talent. Small businesses everywhere can learn from this story and uses it’s principles to slay the Goliaths they go up against each day.

Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert.

Be a Happy Warrior.  Lots of studies about what makes people unhappy or happy find that our brains constantly trick us into making decision we think will make us happy but have the adverse effect.  The cure to this “blindness” is provided in this fantastic book.  Look at people who are happy, who have died happy, and do what they were doing when they were your age.  Hint: It’s kind of commonsensical – work hard at something you love, stay married through good times and bad, don’t do drugs and all that.  All that stuff that sounds great but is actually “hard” at times and which your brains sometimes tries to tell you won’t make you happy.  Happiness is not pleasure seeking.  And pleasure seeking does not equate to happiness, especially long term.  You will have a happy life if you stick to the principles of living that lead to long-term happiness, and that’s the surprise. Doing the stuff your brain often tell you wouldn’t make you happy, does.

Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it.”

Joseph Smith said that in 1842, and I agree with him.  Recently, I’ve been reading a book titled, The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It.    The author compiled the results of hundreds of studies on happy people into 100 individual steps we can take to improve our happiness now.

Here are five I found to be very helpful.

1. Cultivate friendships
“Close friendships, more than personal satisfaction or one’s view of the world as a whole, are the most meaningful factors in happiness.  If you feel close to other people, you are four times as likely to feel good about yourself than if you do not feel close to anyone.” (12)

2. Turn off the TV
“Watching too much TV can triple our hunger for more possessions, while reducing our personal contentment by about 5% for every hour a day we watch.” (14)

3. Root for the home team
“Rooting for a local sports team was found to have positive effects by providing a common interest with others in the community and increasing happiness by 4 percent.”

4. Make your work a calling
“In research on working women, researchers found that even for those working in the same kinds of jobs, work was alternatively viewed either as a series of hassles or as a positive experience in which the women were in control of their lives.  Among those who felt control, life satisfaction was 28% higher than among those who did not.”

5. Help the next person who needs some minor assistance
“Life satisfaction was found to improve 24% with the level of altruistic activity.”

Put them all together and we’d….

Work hard today and approach our work as if it is our calling in life, be aware of others who we can assist in some minor way, leave the  TV off and, instead, call up a good friend and attend a sporting event to watch the hometown team play while we catch up on our lives over a hot dog.

Sounds like a great day to me!

There are 95 more great tips!  Check out the book: The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It

Also see:

Improve Your Memory and Increase your IQ

Understand What Motivates You to Act

Learn to Create Value in the World

Get Better at Anything You Want